Life Lately

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Hey there! I know it's been awhile since I've published a blog post so I thought I'd share why and just what's going on. More recently it's been weighing on my mind that I want my blog to serve as more than just a place you go for style advice, although I do understand that's what my initial intent was when I created The Golden Girl Diary. Quite honestly, my intent was always for this platform to serve as a diary no matter what the topic. So many of y'all have expressed interest in knowing more. Wanting to know more about life; what it's like to be a wife to professional baseball player. With that comes some sensitive topics, or topics that aren't necessarily easy for me to discuss because well, baseball is pretty closed lipped about a lot of things. But more on that later! Let's talk about what I've been up to and why I haven't been writing.

There are literally so many variables that have effected my mood to write. I always knew that publishing content for the sake of publishing content isn't what having a blog is about. Honestly, that's how I felt over the past few months. Of course, I love the brands that I'm sharing with y'all but I just felt some sort of disconnect between myself and my blog. So many things have been on my mind. Things that frustrate me in regards to blogging but also things that frustrate me in everyday life. Bloggers as a whole are frustrated, or I would assume most are. The social platforms we use are changing and not in ways that are beneficial to our businesses, which growth is to be expected but I know for myself I didn't expect the growth to hinder my business. It's frustrating to me to see bloggers using methods (like purchasing followers/likes) to create the illusion that they're content is doing better comparatively to others. I mean, realistically everyone is struggling. I've seen it from so many of my personal favorite bloggers who have been doing this for double the time that I have. It's just frustrating, but obviously out of my control. I'm more or less frustrated because I'm stuck. My growth has been at a standstill and my content on average only gets shown to about 3% percent of my total amount of followers. 3%?! That's insane, right? Well, it's the honest to God truth. Not too sure what the solution is there, but for the sake of being honest I just felt like I had to share.

Another thing that has been on my mind, but I've just bit my tongue about is the lack of respect and understanding for my business. I understand what I do does not make sense to most people and that's fine. This is not directed towards my followers or any particular person; It's just something that is becoming increasingly apparent to me and it upsets/frustrates me to no end. Do I have a boss I have to report to? No, I'm my own boss but if I don't work then I don't get paid. Do I have to leave my house everyday? No, I can work from home. Just like anyone else has the power to do, they just have to go for it and figure it out. So the constant remarks about my work not being "work" or my time not be valuable is beyond frustrating. I don't diminish what anyone else does and I don't criticize others career paths. I'm not even going to pretend like I know what anyone else is going through because the fact of the matter is: I don't know. I know what I'm going through. So I will say this, before you make the assumption that someone "has it made" just don't. It upsets me that people assume that my life is easy. I would never assume that anyone's life is easy because I know I've never walked a mile in that person's shoes. My life is constant game of uncertainty primarily directed around my husbands career. Has my career path been different than what I thought it was going to be? Yes. My intent while in college was not to be a full-time blogger, it was to work full-time somewhere in the fashion industry. But ya know, things change and life happens. God called me to be more than a wife to my husband and being a wife to a professional baseball player is a job in and of itself. I completely manage our 3000 sq. ft. home and yard (with help from my adopted dad, too!) primarily by myself. When my husband leaves in February he doesn't return home until the end of the season which is usually in September or October. He has no control over his career; he can't say "No" or have an opinion without being penalized. He is literally under control of the organization. It's a terrible feeling to feel stuck and like your opinion doesn't matter, but that's baseball and that's just how it is. But with all of the benefits of being my own boss and making my own schedule, there also lots of downsides. I don't get a paycheck every week or every two weeks for the same amount. Sometimes I make more money in a week, sometimes I make no money what so ever. But the fact that I don't get in my car and drive to work everyday for 7-9 hours does not mean that my work is less "legitimate" that any other persons work. Work is work and it's that simple. 

So that's honestly just a little bit of what's actually on my brain, but if you enjoyed seeing a "more real" side please let me know in the comments. It's always tough to get a gauge for what will do well here compared to my Instagram because my audience is slightly different. And if you're going through something similar, or not even at all; leave a comment. Expressing your frustration is healthy and I'd love for you to use this space as a place to feel better if that's the case. Even if you'd like to leave words of encouragement I'd appreciate that, too. If you made it to the end of the post, thank you for taking the time to read what's been on my mind. It means more than you know.

Have a great Tuesday!

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